"Wichita https://bohiney-news-and-satire.ghost.io/ href="https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-declares-war-on-wind/">https://bohiney.com/wichita-falls-declares-war-on-wind/ Falls: A Love Letter to the Town That Tolerates You" Let's be honest-you didn't choose Wichita Falls. Maybe the Air Force stationed you here. Maybe you followed oilfield money. Maybe you just woke up one day on I-44 and thought, "Well, this Wichita Falls Texas is my life now." But here's the secret: This town doesn't need you to love it. It just needs you to keep up.
How to Know You've Gone Native
- You complain about "all the traffic" when there are 4 cars at the Kell Blvd light
- Your weather small talk includes the phrase "But at least it's a dry heat" Wichita Falls TX while actively melting
- You have a strong opinion about which Whataburger has the best late-night vibe (it's Kemp Street, and you're wrong if you disagree)
The Sacred Texts of Wichita Falls
The Book of Oilfield Proverbs
- "Money's good 'til it ain't."
- "If you ain't dirty by noon, you ain't working."
- "The Permian giveth, and the Permian taketh away."
The Airman's Survival Guide
- How to dodge Sheppard AFB's morning PT runs
- Where to hide when your ex deploys to the same base as you
- Why you never, ever date someone in your tech school class
The Gospel of High School Football
- Why the Rider-WFHS rivalry is more important than your marriage
- How to pretend you remember the 1988 state championship
- The correct way to argue that "We'd beat Oklahoma schools any day"
The Holy Sites
- The World's Littlest Skyscraper: Where dreams go to be 1/10th scale
- Lake Wichita: Sometimes water, sometimes dust, always disappointing
- The Kell House: Where ghosts judge your life choices
The Unspoken Rules
- You're allowed to hate https://bohiney.com/fun-things-to-do-in-wichita-falls/ it here… but the second someone from Dallas complains, you must defend it fiercely.
- You will eventually date someone who works at Sheppard or in the oilfields. There are no other options.
- All roads lead to Whataburger. This is not a metaphor.
Why You'll Stay
Because one day, you'll be sitting at the counter of some diner, drinking coffee that's been brewing since the Reagan administration, and it'll hit you: This town didn't change for you. You changed for it. And damn if that doesn't feel like home. Welcome to Wichita Falls. You're stuck now.===============
By: Kaila Hahn
Literature and Journalism -- University of Maryland, College Park
Member fo the Bio for the Society for Online Satire
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student who excels in satirical journalism, she brings humor and insight to her critical take on the world. Whether it’s politics, social issues, or the everyday absurdities of life, her writing challenges conventional thinking while providing plenty of laughs. Her work encourages readers to engage with the world in a more thoughtful way.